In January 2019 I began pursing what it would look like to be a foster parent, even in the midst of still wrestling through my own pain and depression with the Lord. It is something I always wanted to do, but did not want to do it as a single woman. Finally, I decided to just go for it and I began my first training class in early February. As soon as I started the first class I knew I had just started something that fit perfectly with how God has wired me and the passions and experiences he has given me. I finished my training classes at the beginning of April but did not get approved until July 18. It does not normally take that long, but I think Jesus was giving me time for him to still do some work and healing in me before I was quiet ready to open my home and heart to a child.
On July 18, two hours after I was officially approved to be a foster home, two sisters age 13 and 11 arrived at my house. I was their 3rd placement in 6 weeks. I had no idea what I had said yes to. The first few days with them were really sweet. I loved getting to know them and we were able to have many gospel centered conversations. I think the more they seemed to be able to trust me the more scared they got and started to act out in really hard ways. I knew they were hurting and did not know how to deal with it. They did not ask to be put in foster care. They missed their parents and the life they knew even if it was not a healthy place for them to be. It's all they had ever known. I tried really hard to love them through, constant cursing, screaming, run away attempts, police visits and trashing my house. I knew it was driven by their pain. Finally, 14 days after they arrived at my home, I realized I could not provide them with what they needed and I was going to have to have them removed. I cried so hard as soon as I made the call to the case worker, I lost my breakfast. It was the hardest 2 weeks of my life, including living in Africa for 4 years. I wanted them to be able to stay and be loved well and experience Jesus love through me, but I knew I didn't have the resources that they needed at the time.
Most people probably would have given up foster care if their first placement was like mine. They really never should have been placed with me, as a first time foster parent, but I am grateful that they were. I realized in those two weeks that there is so much I do not know. Eights weeks of 3 hour trainings had only skimmed the surface of what I need to know as a foster parent. I was more resolved than ever to continue fostering and to seek resources to help educate and train me to be a better foster parent for these kids who have all had so much trauma. For the past 3 months I have devoured everything I can read, watch or participate in, on caring for kids who have been through trauma. I want to have the resources I need to best care for these children.
September 4th a sweet six year old girl was brought to my home. She is kind, respectful, playful and loving. It was a completely different experience than my first placement. That being said it was still hard seeing the pain and trauma she had been through. I only got to have her for two weeks because she went back to be with family, but I am still very much a part of her life. She has spent the night multiple times since leaving my home.
October 2nd another sweet little girl, who was almost six came home with me. She has been a delight. She has now been with me for about 7 weeks and I am loving getting to care for her. I love seeing toys around the house and hearing her stories, happy and sad. I love that she is learning to trust me more and more and is thriving in a loving, stable environment. Some of the sweetest moments are reading The Jesus Story Book bible before prayer (Loved-The Lord's Prayer) at night and hearing the things she is telling me that she is learning about God, whom she calls Daddy often. She is learning about Jesus the way I wish I had as a child. He loves you and has always had a plan to rescue you from the beginning. We are learning together, about his Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love.
Fostering even delightful children is hard. It breaks my heart to see what this sweet little girl has been through. She did not choose foster care. She misses her family and pets, but she is making the most of being with me.
It has been so refreshing to find something again that I am passionate about. This foster parent is not leaving the game anytime soon. I love it!
I would love your prayers and encouragement for this ministry. Only Jesus can rescue these children and families and I want him to let me be a part of it in whatever way I can.
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