3 Months Today Since I Said Goodbye to Sweet B

 

Today marks 3 months months since sweet little B left my home to go and live with her family. Today is not the way I thought it would be. Before B left there was much talk of me staying very involved with her even after she left my home. Per her therapist advice, I have mostly left the ball in their court on that. What I thought was going to look like frequent phone calls and sleep overs after she left my home has actually been 3 video chats; the last one over a month ago. 

When B first left I was surprised how easy it was. There were some tears but not like I thought there would be. I think I was holding on to there still being frequent visits and phone calls and it didn't seem real that she was gone from my home forever. Now that it has been a month since I have been able to communicate with her it is all hitting me. This little girl who called me Mama for a long while may never be in my home or seen by me again. Recent attempts at communication have gone unanswered. I believe days following my last few video calls with her were difficult for B and her family, as I know it was when she was with me and would have family visits. Her behavior changes as she tries to make sense of it all and is torn wanting to be in two places at once. She loves her family and wants to be with them, as she should, but also loves and misses the time she had with me. Again, I cannot imagine what it would be like to have to go through this as a child. 

 

I continue to send her letters, cards and pictures. I want her to know that she is loved by the people who invested in her for 15 months including myself, my family and many friends. My niece and nephew have made many pictures and notes to send along to her. 

I pray and believe that the love of Jesus she encountered while in my home, will continue to carry her through transitions into her new normal. She knows that she knows that Jesus loves her and he is always there! All those long bedtime routines including bible stories and chats about Jesus are one of the ways I am so grateful she encountered the Gospel consistently and in a way that was appropriate for her age. I  will always think of her when I see The Jesus Story Book Bible, Loved, Don't Forget to Remember and Who Sang the First Song!